7 Simple steps to improve your relationship
These seven steps are some non-complicated ways to start improving your relationship. Now, this is not couples therapy. But, it will help you start to move the needle in a direction. Whether that direction is to seek additional help or realize that you do not need help.
Why did you fall in love?
If your initial thought is “I don’t know. I was stupid”, let’s take a step back from that. This question is a great place to start. Couples are attracted to each other for a reason. Is it normal for couples to grow apart? Yep. But identifying what attracted you two to each other in the first place can help you identify what changed since then.
Identify key stuck areas
Now, after step 1. Comes 2 (obviously). But really. This step is crucial after the initial question because it will help you identify what is not working for your relationship right now.
Do you hate that they leave their shoes by the door? Do you get bothered by them venting about work to you? Do you hate the way they chew?
Identifying these stuck areas is necessary. It will help you learn what not to do, and what you do not enjoy, and then you can work on stopping those patterns in their track.
Identify what you do well
On the opposite end of #2, what do you do well? What do you love about each other? What makes you special? By learning the things that you do well as a couple, you can start increasing those things.
Do you love date nights? Love a random hug? Love talking to each other late at night?
Whatever these patterns are, you want to know. Even if you do not increase these specific behaviors, you can learn what patterns you enjoy. And branch off from there.
Identify what you want your relationship to look like in a year.
Imagine you have magic fairy dust. You can blow this in your partner’s eyes (hopefully it doesn’t sting) and it will fix your relationship to your ideal version. What’s that version look like? What do you both do daily? What do the weekends look like? What is the “Disney ending” version of your relationship?
The reason why this is important is that it can help clear up the haze of the future. By learning what that dream version is, you can start implementing behaviors, activities, and changes that are aligned with that ideal version.
Example: “In a year, we’re going out on date nights. The kids are taken care of. We’re out laughing and enjoying each other like we used to.”
Talk. Daily.
I’m talking “real talk." Not, pass in the hallway, say hi, talk. Start talking about feelings. Be okay with talking about the things you identified in steps 2 and 3. By doing this, you can start to work together. You start to not each other as a source of stress. You start to see each other as a source of comfort. For some couples, this can be hard. That’s why you do it every day. Think of it as running. If you’re planning to run a marathon, you need to train. Your relationship is the longest marathon of your life. Even if you’re an ultrarunner.
Do different activities together
You should start to do activities together. You don’t need to do things you don’t enjoy. But, start doing anything. Building a connection is important. You can start to learn more about each other and start learning which activities you both enjoy doing together. Still get your alone time.
Seek Therapy
If you feel like all of the above tasks are hopeless, too hard, or "will never work”. Maybe it’s time to get professional assistance. A professional therapist can help navigate these difficult stuck areas for you. They can help you navigate conversations that may be too difficult for you to do on your own. It can help you start to find the goal of your relationship in a safe place.
If you’re thinking of seeking therapy for your relationship or have any questions. We have free 15 minute meetings to help! Click here to learn more
