4 Lesser Followed Relationship Tips

I see many of the same problems when I am in a session helping couples improve their relationship. In this post, I am going to list them. This is probably obvious… Anyway, let’s get started.

1. Talk to your partner about your stress.

   1. Many couples fall into the same rhythm of never talking about their stressors with their partner. Some common excuses I hear why couples don’t do this is “Well, they’re stressed too.” ”What if I make them more stressed?” “They don’t want to hear it” and “They don’t know what to say”. If you’re telling yourself these excuses, you’re avoiding solutions. Both partners should feel comfortable going to their partner as a stress relief. If you don’t, you need to figure out why that is. It is a common fracture that starts to grow between couples that keeps them separated. Even if the conversations are short. Simply letting your partner know “I’m stressed” can go a long way. They don’t need to solve your problems. You both can even use it as a launching point to do some stress-relieving activities. However, when trying to destress with the help of your partner becomes stressful, relationships start to grow apart.

2. Have “Solo” time

   1. I see couples fall into the problem of becoming overly attached to each other. To the point of possibly being codependent. If your only stress relief or a way to emotionally regulate is through your partner, you should probably work on feeling comfortable by yourself. When I see couples that struggle with this, typically there is a lot of anxiety between them when not with each other. Having solo time can be a valuable experience to help your relationship. In contrast to the above, you want to feel confident in being able to regulate your emotions on your own if necessary. In addition, couples may not have the same hobbies. Or, they just need time to think by themselves. Give your partner space if they want it.

3. Your problem is our problem

   1. This is a tricky one. You can’t ALWAYS bring your personal problems into the relationship. However, you want to use your relationship as a way to work through your problems. Confusing? Let me explain.

      Say you have a ton of work stress. Your partner doesn’t know the ins and outs of your job so they can’t give you advice. But the stress from your job is being brought into your relationship. The way you BOTH can handle this is by focusing on the stress component. Similar to step 1. The reason for this is people often leave their personal problems as personal. Which can slowly erode the relationship by not having a partner present in the relationship anymore. So, you want to use your partner as a support to manage stress OR approach your partner to help them alleviate their stress. You don’t need to solve their problem, just partner up on managing the stress.

4. “Love Language”

   1. You probably have heard this term but it’s essentially how a person shows their partner appreciation and how you want to be shown appreciation. Some people like gifts. Positive affirmations (positive compliments). Physical touch. Etc. Now, here’s where people get it wrong. Everyone loves everything. Don’t only do one of these things. It can become repetitive. Lose the spark. Feel as if no thought has been put into the appreciation. The reason why couples fall into this problem is that they don’t communicate what they want. Don’t feel bad communicating what you want or asking for what you want. Do you want a hug? Ask for one. You want to go to dinner? Ask for it. Don’t know what your partner wants? Ask them. It’s simple but overlooked.