Red flags! For many people, they can be hard to learn. Mainly because you learn to ignore them by growing up in an unsupportive household that doesn’t teach healthy boundaries or displays of love. But that’s for another blog post.

There are a ton more than just 5 that you should look out for. These are 5 common ones that I see within the clients that I have.

1. Isolating you from friends and family

   This is one of the biggest red flags you can have in a relationship. It is one of the most common tactics from an abuser. They start to isolate you from friends and family who give you support. Through this, it is easier for them to coerce you into believing they’re the only one left. When they start increasing the intensity of the abuse, you feel like they’re the only one to go to as you have been isolated from previous loved ones.

2. A constant need for attention from their partner.

   AKA - Codependency. If you’re unfamiliar with the term, it’s essentially when one person in a relationship needs to put their partner’s needs above their own. Resulting in them having a difficult time (emotionally and behaviorally) functioning without attention from their partner. When your identity is based on the other person, it limits personal growth. If it limits personal growth, it is limiting your relationship growth.

3. Excessive time spent on “vices”

   There’s nothing wrong with hobbies. In fact, I encourage you to have them. Every person should learn to have alone time. However. When a person is unable to function without those vices, it’s a recipe for disaster. Why? Because it turns into an addiction. A “vice” doesn’t need to be drugs and alcohol. It can be many different things. I won’t go into them all. But. When a person is addicted to their vice, it’s essentially their only way to “cope” with their emotions. If they can’t cope with their emotions, it is typically taken out on their partner.

4. Too many secrets

   There’s nothing wrong with having secrets in a relationship. In fact, just check the next header. Not everything needs to be talked about. However, when someone does not want to talk about anything related to themselves, that should be a red flag. One, it means that they do not feel comfortable talking to you about themselves. Two, it more than likely means there are some secrets that they do not want you to know about because it could ruin the relationship. If it is related to something traumatic in their life, that is an exception. Those can be hard to discuss. If they won’t open up about where they’re going on the weekends or who they’re hanging out with. Red flag.

5. A need to have no secrets (aka checking phones)

   Contrary to the previous one. If someone demands that no secrets are kept in the relationship… well. Red flag. I do encourage every couple to feel comfortable enough to be open with each other. However. If it gets to the point where you are checking your partner’s texts, DMs, etc. There’s an issue with trust. If you don’t trust your partner enough and you feel like you need to constantly invade their privacy… you have to have a talk about that. There is something either within you or the relationship. You’re not in a healthy relationship with a constant invasion of privacy. '

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. Yet, these are common red flags that need to be addressed to have a healthy relationship. Not all of these red flags mean you’re in an abusive relationship but it does mean there is room for improvement.